don't let him get bored of me.

"don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me, don't get him get bored of me, don't let him get bored of me."

listening to mewithoutYou and feeling grim. I drank too much and stayed out too late and got too deep about shit and sounded like a fucking drunk student philosophising about life. jeeeeez.

My favourite flatmate is dropping out of uni, which leaves me in a house with all boys next year, it will be manic. Properly sad about losing someone I've really grown to love, but I can't expect her to stay here for selfish reasons and to look after me when I need someone to sit with at night.



In general people are being really nice to me at the moment, saying things that make me very happy. People I underestimated, so I feel pretty bad for ever doubting that they were nice people.


I'm overwhelmed by this constant feeling that something is going to happen, and that something is steering me. I work hard and I enjoy uni and try my hardest in everything I do so its not like I'm coasting along doing well, but I dunno, there's just this feeling that I'm going to be okay. Kerouac sums it up when he talks of letting go of the steering wheel and never veering off the road because somebody somewhere is in control of everything.

I have to go to the doctors now, so I've probably definitely jinxed everything and now I'm going to die or something.

magpie

Shit luck seems to be summing up my life at the moment. I'm living in hope that something decent will happen next week to cheer me up.

Basically, everything went tits up about mid-week when I had to do a 2,500 word seminar for the next day and as a flat we had sorted out a potential house. £60 to hold the house off the market for 5 days, then a £350 deposit to give within the 5 days. I haven't checked my bank balance since before christmas which was probably a ridiculous idea, so when I checked on Wednesday this weeeeeek I had about £20 left to deal with. Everything is sort of back on track, my mum has lent me some the deposit and a bit more to tide me over until I get a job.

Someone in Plymouth give me a job. please.
Also, site specific is absolutely amazing, just my sort of thing.





TO DO:

1 random act of kindness, record. for site.

Sign contract for houuuuse

5,000-6,000 word learning log

GET A JOB

Start researching for essays, NOW instead of at midnight the night before it's due in.

GET A JOB!

Sort your life out

Try and get new clothes and stuff without spending money. A challenge indeed.



DONE:

Bradshaw necklace - ultimately a decision I regret after realising how little money I had

Seminar! yeah boyyy

Sort out £350 for house deposit

too much sex and the city

I know they're vacuous sluts, I know there's more to life than shoes and talking about orgasms over Cosmopolitans, I'm completely aware that this programme is completely ridiculous, self-indulgent horse shit, but it feels like a kind of escapism.



You can believe what you will about me, I'm a dick, I'm cool, whatever. Deep down I am just another 20 year old girl, and as long as I know how silly it is and try not to get swept up and become a vain dick, and I know I still like reading Bukowski and giving a shit about things like history, philosophy and stuff then others can think what they will about me watching a show about 4 stupidly selfish, wealthy women who are slightly too old to be getting so much fucking sex.





That being said, I definitely want my own one of these:














so shoot me.

the vandals took the handles.

I got insanely bored on the train back to Plymouth this morning. I wrote this on my phone and saved it in drafts. God only knows why.



I look around the carriage at the people I am forced to spend the next 4 and a half hours with. Everyone is sleeping, or attempting to.
Their eyes are shut and their mouths open.
Their heads are lolling about at the top of their necks in perfect synchronicity with the train's shudders and jolts.
They all look ridiculous, the instant their head dips, they wake up and appear embarrassed of their own dormancy. You simply dozed off, you weren't caught wanking over a picture of a baby or anything.
They try to sleep with a quiet dignity, hoping they are not seen by any other passengers. Sitting upright with their eyes shut and their mouths open.
Why pretend you're not sleeping? Commit to the moment. If you want to sleep, fucking well do it.




Hours later, this happened:

Falling asleep proves to be my own downfall, by getting too involved in my slumber I begin to dream. Fantasize. In my sleepy state the real world, the actual human world where I am sitting in a train carriage surrounded by people, and the dream world (in which I am getting a bloody good seeing to) become united for one brief moment and I make a sex noise out loud. In public.
Woe is me.

don't stop believin'

6.30am. Leave.
Lift to Stafford.

7.15am. Platform 1.
Stafford - Wolverhampton - Sandwell & Dudley - Birmingham New Street.

8.1Oam. Platform 12b. (attention: this is a platform alteration, the 8.10 cross country service to Plymouth will now depart from platform 10.)
8.13am. Platform 10. Birmingham New Street - (due to engineering works, this train will be diverted through Bromsgrove - this will add an hour onto your journey. our apologies for any inconvenience this may cause) Cheltenham Spa - Bristol Parkway - Bristol Temple Meads - Taunton - Tiverton Parkway - Exeter St. Davids - Newton Abbot - Totnes - Plymouth.
12.48pm. Arrive.



Never travel long distances alone. It forces you to spend time inside your own head, a terrible place to be.

NARC

What the fuck is sleep? I surely don't remember the concept of resting, re-energizing, re-juvinating. Snatching a few half hours of sleep here and there is proving detrimental to my well being. I constantly look and feel tired, but I'm not one to complain. Am I?